Nice is Unkind: Why Real Leadership Requires Courage

February 17, 2026

Nice is Unkind: Why Real Leadership Requires Courage

Let me say something that might surprise you: Being nice is often unkind.

I know that sounds backwards. But if you’re in leadership and you really think about it, you’ll understand exactly what I mean.

In life, and especially in leadership, the kindest thing you can do is make sure everyone knows what “good” looks like.

Most leaders don’t do that.

Why?

Because they’re too nice.

They don’t want to hurt feelings, they don’t want awkward conversations, and they don’t want tension.

So they stay quiet.

That’s not kindness. That’s avoidance.

Clarity is Kindness

When you don’t clearly define what good looks like, you are doing your team a disservice.

You’re leaving them guessing, you’re lowering the standard, and you’re allowing mediocrity.

Kindness is being straightforward and transparent.

It’s saying: “Here’s the standard. Here’s what excellence looks like. And I care enough about you to hold you to it.”

That’s not shaming and it’s not putting people down.

That’s leadership.

Core Principles Define “Good”

If you don’t establish your core principles, you can’t define what good looks like.

And if you can’t define what good looks like, you can’t lead.

When I was coaching golf, I learned this: You can be a good person and still hold the highest standards.

Kindness doesn’t mean sacrificing your principles. It means protecting them.

Always Ask One Question

What’s in the best interest of my teammates?

Not:

Will they like me?

Will this be uncomfortable?

But:

Will this help them grow?

Nice protects feelings in the moment. Kind protects futures.

If you care about your team, choose courage over comfort.

That’s leadership.

Explore more leadership themes in Gui Costin's book, "Be Kind" here!

Written By: Gui Costin, Founder, CEO

Gui Costin is the Founder and CEO of Dakota.

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Nice is Unkind: Why Real Leadership Requires Courage